Hi, Mr. Andy Wong
Hi, Bill Nixon
Reporter of Asia Media Weekly
I've already ran a background check on you
We'd like to do an interview and shoot some photos
Sure, no problem
People call you Hong Kong's King of Porn
They say you created a whole new style of pornography
What's your take on that?
They're being nice, but it's true...
...our magazine has the highest circulation indeed
This way Sure
Are you embarrassed by having photo's taken
with this many naked women?
Not at all
In the last few years, I've had more than 10,000
women strip in front of my face
according to information
You and your partner John are both graduated from a university
Why would university graduates turn to porn publishing?
Can you tell us more about your background?
How did you meet John?
I was a scriptwriter in a television station
But my career was going nowhere
Then a publishing company hired me
That was how it all started
I met John at the editorial department
We hit it off instantly
and became instant friends
What's up?
Angus, how many are they firing this week?
I heard over a dozen got the pink slip downstairs
That's sad
I don't think it'll affect us
We are pillars in this organization
Right, we're pillars
This is so painful to watch
For you
John, I wish they had fired me instead
You know I don't really need the income
I'm not in it for the money
This one's yours
Please clean up and leave by 5pm
Or we'll call security
Come on, was that attitude necessary
What's the big plan?
Get another job, I guess
Maybe we should start something
Like what?
We're in publishing, let's start a magazine
What kind of magazine?
They fired a lot of us today
That's fine, my boss said I'm up for a raise
I'll provide for you
That makes me feel so useless
Of course not, I think you're talented
You just need the right opportunity
This could be the chance
I discussed with a bunch of old colleagues
We have an idea for a Shoppers' guide for youngsters
I haven't promised anything
How much money will you need?
Less than a hundred grand each
It's not a problem for me, because I don't have any
I do
You do?
All right!
What do you think?
Top notch!
This couch is fantastic
It's virtually perfection
For some reasons, the partners all landed jobs quickly
John joined a newspaper's adult entertainment page
Can you just wait a minute
I've submitted your pieces to my boss
He should be out quickly
You like your drink?
Boss OK
John, these two articles are crap
Totally unreadable
It's a simplified menu for hookers
Just names of women and their rates
We need more descriptions
You his boss?
Who are you?
This is Mr. Lam, the massage parlor expert
And that is George
He is a pimp
If we can write well, we won't need to drive hookers around
Idiot!
What the fuck you want? Do you need our tips or what?
I told you we're only providing tips
Fine...
I don't care
Spend a few hundred dollars
Get someone to rewrite these
I need them to be entertaining
As if
These two are legends in the industry
Yes OK?
4-Eyes became a TV reporter
Mike worked in real estate
Ben joined an accounting firm
I didn't find any work
Let's think of a name for the pimp
He's real name is Dragon
Lung's to generic, need to spice it up
What are his physical attributes?
He's quite stocky
Fat Dragon then, simple enough
Easy to recall, Fat Dragon it is
As for the Massage Parlor guy
His name is Jones, he's quite skinny in person
Skinny Jones?
How about Boney Jones
Boney Jones it is!
Fat Dragon and Boney Jones, sounds good
Who's going to be which?
Who'll be Fat Dragon and who'll play Boney Jones?
Let's do this together
We'll switch daily
I'll take Boney today and you can be Dragon
Then we switch tomorrow
Sure...
The Guide's called Look Guide?
Sounds like "drop dead" in Cantonese!
The name was your idea!
I thought you know how to change luck with names
How could we call our guide "drop dead"
It was all because you called
And said there wasn't anytime left
You could have used "Luck"
Or "Lucky"
Should I have used the name "Luke" instead
Why not?
But how could you have chosen the word "Look"
Grammatically doesn't make any sense!
Good news!
I looked over, but our guide...
Uh-oh, look guide (drop dead) indeed
Lots of reader letters?
A pile for Fat Dragon, and another for Boney Jones
It's only been one day
This is awesome
I asked the distributor
He says only two kinds of books make money now
This is one
And this is the other
Let's have your opinions
4-eyes
Personally, I'm a Christian
I have a strict stand in these things
I think text books can help students
I agree with 4-eyes
We can study the school curriculum
Make friends with school teachers
I'm sure we can sell these books easily
I just want to know our investment
How many books do we sell to make our money back
Pubic hair!
You saw a lot?
How about you, John?
I...
I think text book is a good idea
I bought lots of them when I was in school...
Fuck every hole she has
Use your hands when necessary
...for exercise
Text book, that's a good idea
It's a brilliant idea
I agree a hundred percent
Let's put this to a vote
Those in favor of text books?
Those in favor of porn magazines?
Good morning
We're looking for Mr. Dai
Whom shall I say is looking?
You can tell him it's John
Wait a minute
Thanks
I want another headline
A bunch of useless hacks!
How are you two youngsters?
Sit...
Go on!
Coffee?
Two cups of coffee, Darlene!
You're too kind
Scrap that then
How are you guys?
Our industry really needs people like you two
Full of creative talents
We've met before...
John
Of course, John, we've met
Twice, right?
We publish anything
Diet Magazines
Theology books
Aeronautical Science
Encyclopedia of Herbal Medicine
I wrote this myself, Japanese for Beginners
I'm Nakamura Naoko
What's your big idea?
Haven't you guys prepared anything
We haven't
We just want to print a porn magazine
We don't print porn here
How dirty can you go?
I am Fat Dragon
and I'm Boney Jones
Or sometimes I am Fat Dragon
And I am Boney Jones
You should've said something earlier
Darlene, bring in the red wine!
Sit down please
Japan had had Guidebook to Hookers for quite some
Were you the first to do something like that in Hong Kong
Yes, purely by coincidence
Fat Dragon and Boney Jones were such a hit
I knew then that this would become the trend for porn magazines
Even though nobody else believed in us
It was more difficult than
we imagined it to be
The other partners weren't helping
John and I did everything by ourselves
Ben, there are two guys looking for you
Hi, Mr. Ben
We're from Wild Side Magazine
He's John, I'm Andy
We'd like to request for an in depth interview
to promote your club
Or you can post an advertisement with us
No need for any advertising here
We've got lots of reliable customers already
But... although this place is a hit...
This place could be an even bigger hit
We can write recommendations for the girls here...
I told you it's not necessary
Come over here, mister
What environment?
It's fucking quiet these days
No one can get a fucking customer, damn it
Guys, looking for a good massage?
What's up, bro?
Chippy told us to come here
Said we should look for the Ma Brothers
Right...
Chippy recommended?
I'm Big Ma, he's Little Ma
How are you?
Sit please
Thanks
What's on your mind?
We'd like to launch a magazine
It'll be a one of its kind guide to the sex trade
An extraordinary guide
We'd like to interview you both and the girls who work for you
Do some marketing for you
This is fucking funny
What kind of an idea is that?
Prostitution marketing?
What are your names?
I'm John, this is Andy
John fucking Andy
No, I'm Andy
Kidding...
Have you guys ever tried hookers before?
What?
I haven't
Neither have I...
You haven't even tried it yourselves yet you want to market our trade?
This is fucking hilarious
Anyway, I've got the time, so I'll have fun with you guys
Get the girls out here
Hold on
Girls, get the hell out here!
Customers?
Hurry!
Come on, hurry
I'll show you what real prostitutes are
These girls are all prostitutes
Whores for short
Choose one
Shit, stop pretending
Do you know what's rule number one?
Hookers hate shy guys, they won't give you head
OK, I'll pick for you
Gosh, you're too much...
Ling, take off your tops
Watch out for a nose bleed
Now that's what I call headlights
Good stuff
Fuck, stop pretending
Coco, take it off
Chandeliers Guaranteed nose bleed!
Good stuff, eh?
Come over here
I bet you're just pretending
Make some room
Didn't you say you want to market this stuff
You can feel it up close now
Judge for yourselves if they're real
Feel it
Come on
This is what I call a real pro
Great
Sorry
You touched it, you pay for it
What?
Why do you think they call it the flesh trade
You said you wanted to publish a magazine
I just taught you an important lesson
Pay up
You guys keep this in mind
If you want to publish a Guide to Whores
You have to understand two sorts of people
The hooker's and the customer's
Understand?
Understood, Big Ma
Thanks for the lesson
Take care of it
I hear you're the expert in getting women to undress
Only women I know
What do you guys want, tell her
Come on
Dance, then undress...
Do a little dance, then squeeze your tits
Touch your tits, then squeeze your nipples
Take off cushion
No...
I have a shaver, need to shave armpit hair?
OK?
Just relax
Yeah!
Come on...
Quick... strip...
Quick... Up...
Shoe... No Shoe...
Up... Quick...
Chair... Yeah...
Perfect...
Stop!
Don't go all the way, that's perfect
Really, then I'm not taking it off
What the hell are you doing?
You got us all excited
what are going to do now?
You're a man too, you know what porn magazines need
Seriously, when we set out to publish this
it was a monumental decision
to put it bluntly
Nothing can stop us now
Don't be in the way, brother!
I know what you mean
I'm ok to make some adjustments with my art
I'm also a horny guy myself
But figure out a way to convince her first
Artistic maestro
have you ever been beaten up during a photo shoot?
That's it, perfect!
Now I know pornography equals art
and art equals pornography
Good porn means good art
there it is... I can see clearly now
This is good porn
Perfection! Good porn! Good art!
Check this out
Tom's dick so long it bends
Nicole's oral techniques are heaven sent
They start fighting but have sex in the end
Finish this pizza and lick it again
Imagine her mouth must be really oily
Finish this pizza... and just fuck it again?
Fuck it again
Fuck again it is! Fuck it again
We're all here, you're the only one missing
Hurry up
Is that the one?
Can't be
Don't panic, this isn't it
I think it is
Go after it!
You're all here?
Why didn't you guys get a cab?
Shut up, let's order first
Let's get Pork Bone Congee
Congee under this weather?
They're famous for it
Fine, 4 bowls of pork bone congee
This is the area's leading magazine stall
Should give a good indication of our magazine's sales
It's extremely indicative
Is this a new magazine?
Just arrived, hot off the Press
Can I open it up?
Sure, go ahead
Look, a customer
It's really good
Buy it! Buy it!
Pretty hot indeed!
Buy it...
Fat Dragon and Boney Jones are in it?
I'll take this
Bought!
If Passion Magazine makes money
I shall donate half of my earnings to charity
I'll give it all to my mom, she still thinks I'm useless
I'll invest in printing educational textbooks
Do some charity work to balance off my guilt
I'll buy a bigger flat for Fanny
So we can live comfortably
Pamela dreamt of owning her own fashion label
If I have the money
I'll use it to develop her label
Are we day dreaming or what?
I guess so
Sold out
Sold out?
$5 for newspaper
$5
I'm paying for this
Sorry, bro, this isn't for sale, it's my copy
Not for sale?
Sir, you're pretty old already
I would hate for you to pop a vein reading this
Old men are still men
Frankly speaking
this is the first issue, I want to keep a copy
It's an instant best seller
A mint condition first copy will go up in value
They can always re-print That's right
You don't get it
When they do, it'll say re-print on the cover
You're right
Careful, don't ruin it
Congratulations, mister
I won't fight over this with you, it's all yours
Keep it well, thanks
That's right
This issue will be worth a lot of money in the future
Trust me Yeah?
Even the plastic cover!
Let's go have some shark's fin soup
According to my research, the first issue of Passion Magazine
sold over a hundred thousand copies
Wow!
It broke the record of the sales of pornographic magazines
Because John and I used our heads
Previous porno magazines didn't involve the night club scene
But we've set a different trend
We could make a nightspot an instant hit
Your turn, sir
C'mon boy, your turn
Sorry, you all have to wait for a while
Not for long, I promise...
It's a busy day out here
Just hurry up
It's fucking John and Andy
We'll drink to that
Cheers Cheers
You guys sure have your ways
Now every girl in this joint
accounts for maybe 30 customers daily
Can't cope with the demand
Thank you both
If I didn't have the foresight to see the potential
in you two
We're not going to hit the jackpot like we have now
Our joint is literally filled with horny sperms
Business is literally fucking good
Thank you for your compliment
Your precious teachings worked out well for us
Nobody believed in us back then
Without our interview with you, there would be no magazines
Andy, I know you're good at this
Help me get some new ideas
I want to fire up this joint even more
Let's fucking bring the house down
You guys must know how
Come on, stop keeping the ideas to yourselves
You guys want to bring down the house?
Yeah
You wanna have fun, we'll pay for it
Passion
Boss, this way to room no. 9, watch your step
Maggie, hurry
Where are you going?
I'm exhausted Hurry up!
Take good care of our customer
Come on, what's taking so long?
Jeez, this is so hot...
This is even better
Officer Cheung
Outside a sex den in Portland Street
We have about a hundred people queuing up
Reportedly Passion Magazine is treating readers
to free sex with hookers
Should we do something about this?
You two get on the van
I invited you both
Because you've gone to far
You wanna have fun, we'll pay for it
Officer, you have nothing on us
Yes, we consulted our legal adviser...
Right, having fun does not mean prostitution
But...
the newspapers today reported about this
I got you both out to talk things out on the record
So I'll have something to show my superiors
What do you want then, Officer Cheung
I can't teach you what to say
You just need to tell the truth
You guys started a joke with your readers
Didn't think they would actually believe you guys
As to what they did up in the sex den
You'll of course confess that you don't know anything
Remember me, I'm SP Cheung
I hope you don't fall into my hands in the future
If not, I won't be just taking you out for a spin
I'll take you back to the precinct for a cup of coffee
Understood
Where are you guys, why are you not here yet?
Come on
Sorry...
We're late, sorry
The big boss is waiting
Thanks
Sorry
Mr. Tong Fook, really sorry
You said to proceed to Comewell
I thought I heard you say the supermarket next door
Waited there for 30 minutes
It's true, we haven't had dinner yet
You two idiots wrote bad things about our joint
We didn't
Seriously, Mr. Tong
We always tell the truth, nothing less
Yes
Up yours!
Of course you did!
You don't know who I am, do you?
Let me show you something interesting
This scar runs from my chest to my ass
Long time ago
Someone tried to bad mouth me
I asked them for a meeting
Every person
had two big cleavers
Cleavers!
This scar...
was a memento of that day
As to those fools
They were cut into 4 pieces
Fuck
Your joint sucked for real, we simply told the truth
What the hell do you mean?
Shit! Do you know how to run a sex den?
Don't blame others for your own ignorance
If we die today
your business will suck just the same
Tell you what, I don't know much
But I know how to make a joint succeed
That's right
Assholes!
Look, I'm in this business to make money
not to make enemies
Why don't we all sit and have dinner?
Let's all get to know each other better, yes?
OK...
Give them some wine
Since it's our first meeting
I'd like to show you something you've never seen before
My double blade technique will blow you away
Great...
Really good
Brilliant!
Beautiful...
Encore...
Continue please...
Miss, when will Mr. Dai give me my check?
My employees are waiting for their salaries
I really don't know when he will be free
Don't leave me out in charitable endeavors
Just name the amount
Sky is the limit
Mr. Dai
Do you know what was my ambition growing up?
To run a charitable institution, seriously
Goodbye! Thank you, Mr. Dai
Walk the guest out
Mr. Dai
I know...
Shirley, get Raymond in, we have a publishing meeting
Mr. Dai, I...
Can you wait a few more minutes?
I'm really busy, got meetings to attend
If you can't wait, come back another day
I need to go into this meeting Mr. Dai...
Shirley!
Unbelievable!
God damn it
This is what we're paid for this month
Why?
Why do we have to be like beggars on the street
The magazine was a best seller
Fuck it
Why do we have to go through this?
Fuck him, we want our money
How much is his share worth?
Let's buy it off him
Don't we have enough cash?
I agree, but I don't have the money
Neither do I
I got loads, but haven't earned them yet
Not me, I'd rather have a smaller stake in this
I'll get a loan and use my flat as collateral
I should also ask my girlfriend to do the same
We should buy the magazine
You're my best buddy
John wants to buy Passion back from Mr. Dai
He asked Fanny to use the house as collateral
Yeah
That's risky
I tried to talk him out of it
How much was Dai's share in it?
He wouldn't release his rights for less than HK$1.5 Million
This flat was intended to be my dowry
What do you mean?
I'm betting my future on you, get it?
Do you get it?
Understood
Finally, we own this thing
Congratulations
Congrats
We can start kicking ass now that we fully own it
This issue's theme
Camouflage girl in the jungle takes a facial
Good!
Remember shoot on the face, not on her breasts
Go ahead and do it
We'll show you the proofs later
I'm coming, please look at the camera
Two men? I don't do threesomes
We're reporters from Passion Magazine
Here to interview Titty Bird
Oh, reporters
Sorry
I'm getting the door, please come in
Come in, don't be shy
It's fine
Come on in, the place is crowded
Sit down please
7-up for you guys?
We don't get up 7 times that fast, Coke please
Sure, Coke then
No coke or 7-up's
No soft drinks, but I have popsicle
But only one left, can you share?
Have some, it tastes good
It's ok, we'll help ourselves
I'll put it here, just take it
Here are our name cards, I'm the publisher
I'm the deputy
Who's the publisher and who's the deputy?
I'm Andy, the publisher
He's John, my deputy
How do you
conduct your interviews?
Just tell us your main selling point
And we'll take some photo's
My selling point?
I've said it all in the voice recorder
Can you say the same thing again then?
OK, hang on a minute
Here and now?
Yes, tell it to us, hold on
Boss
Call me Titty Bird
I have big, bouncy tits
40 inches of the real stuff
My cleavage is deep
My nipples are small and pinkish
I even "swallow" if you like
Body massage, 360 degree turn
I'll turn so good
like you wouldn't believe it
My pussy's tight and juicy
It'll suck you dry
And fuck you crazy
Only HK$300, really cheap
I'm waiting...
Does that work?
If it worked you wouldn't have needed us
First of all, promise us one thing
You shouldn't be dishonest
40 in. Bust line? You must be kidding
And all the service you mentioned...
Every other hooker in the business does it
Do you know what's rule no. 1 for this profession
not to tell your customers that you're cheap
If they want to save money they'll just jack off
Firstly, you need to hike up your price
I have no customers now yet I should hike up prices?
Trust us, we know these things
You will become Hong Kong's
number one hooker
I've never dreamt of becoming number one
Then put your faith in our two big... pens
Who are you looking for?
Titty Bird, as recommended in Passion Magazine?
It's out?
See for yourself
You're pretty in person
Everything in it is true
Come in, I'll show you a good time
OK
I'm looking for Titty Bird
Coming
Come on in, Mister
You don't look like the picture at all
Stop looking at the picture, come in
I'm looking for Titty Bird
Just come on in first
Well? Should we try once more?
What?
If you couldn't make it the first time, we can do it again
Have you had enough rest?
When you're done we can start over
Is that alright? Come on
I'm complaining to the Passion Magazine for fraud against readers
The article talked about Titty Bird
But what I found was Shitty Bird
Completely different things
I am very disappointed by this complete disregard...
of responsible journalism
If this is the case...
Then I refuse to support the Passion Magazine from now on
And I will spread the worst word of mouth about it
Titty Bird
Get here you lazy whore
I'm busy... don't come in
Just come back another day
Fine, I'll wait right here
Why don't you come in?
You have destroyed our reputation
Look at these complaint letters
They're all about you
Just come in first
Come in. Something wrong with your eyes?
Come in and we'll talk
Fine, I'll come in
Passion Magazine is in deep trouble now because of you
Customers?
I'm not a customer
Who are you? Ronaldo?
We're robbers, Mr. Publisher
Thanks to your magazine that pointed us here
Could you maybe sign an autograph?
What are your names?
Don't you dare tell him our real names
Whatever then, Ronaldo, Ronaldinho
Sorry, we need to finish off the robbery
Let's go, little brother
Thanks, Mr. Publisher
This way
Are they gone yet?
They're off
Untie me
How do I do that?
They tied us really tight
I'm so thirsty
What do you want to do about that?
Don't
I'm bursting already
It's painful
In a great hurry It's painful
Get something to drink
You want me to drink condoms and lubricants?
I forgot to buy some drinks
This is fucking unbelievable
Uh-oh, I have to pee
Don’t do it, its pointed right at my direction
I'm not thirsty
I can't hold it any longer
Let's untie ourselves first
Help me
I have to pee
What are you biting?
Don't lick
If you had served all your clients...
the way you served me just now
Then I wouldn't have had to come
Sorry, I got too lazy
I thought I could get others to substitute
I won't do it again
It's useless to say these now
Why don't you write a formal apology
I'll publish it for you on the next issue
OK
How...
How much do I owe you?
I'll pay you for it
No need, we're friends
We haven't even reported this case
Report what?
This is my first time
I can't let others know about this
You have a point
Don't worry, I'll work hard from now on
I promise I will
I remember you said to me
that I can become number one in this trade
Lazy Whore: My Mistake!
Titty Bird Promises never to do it again
Mr. Boney Jones, I strongly recommend
this girl, number 77
She's the best
Is this number 77 really any good?
Of course... if she was any good we wouldn’t need to promote her
Please do what you can to help
Turn the skank into the hottest princess
You know we don't lie, and we don't accept bribes
That's fine
What's no. 77's specialty?
Blow Jobs
She's blows so well
that if she were a musician
she'd be in Kenny G's league
Mr. Jones
You've waited long?
I've never heard of anyone named Boney
It's my pseudonym
Let's start the interview, your name?
Stop that
Tess Tickles
Tess, where are you form?
Guangdong... and Portugal
Yeah you look like you have mixed blood
How old are you, Tess?
We'll say 19... everyone says that
18 sounds too young
Vital stats?
36- 22- 38?
You think my butt looks big
No...
36- 22- 33
OK? OK
Any specialties?
What are you good at?
I'm good at everything
Except massage
What specifically are your specialties then?
I prefer performing them than talking about them
Don't tickle me
You've got to feel it to be able to write it
No need
How did you know that
I like doing it on the floor?
Cold... freezing
Hot! Too hot!
It's cold
Cold... hot
Hot... cold... hot... cold
Hot!
Tess Tickles' trademark fire and ice technique
Boney Jones felt like... Give it to me
shuttling between the equator and north pole
understanding the real pleasure of oral sex
Stop reading it, you fucking shit
This will go to print, everyone will be able to read it
What's the difference if I read it now?
Won't matter once I finish writing it
Sorry
I have more
Do you now?
I have... this!
And this, too
Fire and Ice technique!
Want to try it?
Come on, baby!
The Kenny G of Oral Sex: Tess Tickles
How to perform the Fire and Ice Technique
Number 77, where are you going?
There's a long queue waiting for you
It's like a rock concert, everyone chanting for "77"
Where are you going?
I need to go to the doctors
What for?
The doctor says if I keep on blowing
My jaws will lock permanently like this
I can't do this anymore
Bullshit
This shape is perfect for their sizes
If you don't do it, who will?
Go on...
You're the Kenny G of massage parlors
No one does this like you do
Come on
No, it hurts
Mr. Chan!
Andy and John, thank you for coming tonight
It's going to be a blast, trust me
Just call earlier, I'll reserve the best room for you
We're ok, you don't have to show us around
Stop kidding around John
Why don't I ask Kitty
to take our prettiest girls to have fun with you
We're tired of looking at pretty girls
Get us the ones with special talents
Special talents?
What are you looking at? Scared?
Can you play drinking games?
Drinking games, can you?
I can
You start
Zero! Zero!
She claims to be the master at this game
Start over Sure
I'll go first
OK
5! 10! Drink up!
Again
You're pretty good, why don't we...
go with 6 bottles
Fine, sure
I don't think hospitality is her strong suit
You bet
Come on
You go first
Listen up
5!
15!
10!
Zero!
Finish that up
Thanks
Great
I think he's done
No, I'm not
I don't believe I can't beat you
OK
Let's
Stop playing stupid drinking games, let's...
play strip games
Bluff!
Why not
Off Please
Take it off
No
No? You were pretty confident just now
Off with it
Give me a chance
Chance? Let's go then
How can I leave this way?
Just go
Give me something to wear
Fine, take it off yourself
Now
Stop teasing
Let's go then
What now?
For real?
Take it off
Come on
Too good to be true
Any girl could get on magazine covers these days
Should our Passion try something new?
Let's get some ideas
I have one
We can do current affairs
What?!
You know I'm not good at these
Just trying to think of something
Why don't we sensationalize our cover girls
Just get women from all walks of life
Then think of big stories to package them with
Pretty good
I like this idea
We can maybe get a whore
a hooker
or a masseuse
and make her look like a lady, right?
Baby, I don't understand a word you're saying
You won't have to
So long as the two of us understood
Who should we use for next issue
Who should it be?
Tess Tickles
Whose testicles?
Who's Tess Tickles?
Your Tess Tickles
Your testicles?
What do you mean my Tess Tickles?
Oh no, real estate prices crashing
She licked your testicles
so she's your Tess Tickles
Why did you get your testicles licked?
When did I ever get you to lick my testicles?
You licked his testicles?
I didn't lick his testicles
He had his testicles licked
That's why it's his Tess Tickles
Why did you have your testicles licked?
Yeah
I need to call
Tess Tickles
It's my first time...
First time?
As a cover girl, I mean
I bought some Macau egg tarts
Not sure if it suits your taste
I'm referring to myself
No problem at all
We have a professional photographer
Don't worry, my experience plus this camera
will make you look pretty no matter how ugly you are
Don't worry
He's an idiot, ignore him
John, tell her the theme we're going for
The theme we're going for tonight
is fruits
This banana was made just for you
It was modeled after someone's body part
Seriously, someone's banana is that big
Please take a seat there
Can I take off my clothes now
Sure
I'll assume the position first
OK, ride on the banana
Like riding a pony
Right leg... ride on it